Ed and a bird

Today I was rudely awakened and removed from my log home. The woman's hands scooped me up and plonked me unceremoniously onto the sofa. I watched as she somehow removed the iron bars from the rest of the cage, I tried to take note of how it was done, so far all I know is there were four loud ping noises before it was lifted and put on the floor. At this point I was distracted by a rat that looked a lot like me in the window, even moved at the same time and in the same way. This scared me. I ran to my cushion and hid.

Whilst out again in the evening I found this amazing looking bird, it just bopped me on the head out of nowhere and started fluttering about. The hunter in me couldn't resist, and my sewer rat nature threw itself claws first onto the blasted thing. I found I was most successful when I grabbed it by a strange red thing popping out its head. I managed to take it to the safety of a cushion where I intended to rip out its insides and play with its warm beating heart, but it made a miraculous recovery and sprung from my grasp, vanishing before I even managed to chase it. The humans mocked me and laughed but they don't know they just got added to my hit list with Ham.

I have tried to coax the male into coming into the darkness of the cushion where there is no escape for him, but when I nibbled on him and got his attention before running into the darkness he seemed to go back to poking buttons, and watching the box that was making weird sounds.

Ham put his testicles on my head when I was trying to chase him, the other day I was willing to let it pass as accident as they were fairly large but today they nearly knocked me out! ...I have recently discovered that the human term for this is something called 'Tea Bagging' and I will get my revenge on him by dunking my own into his side of the food dish before sleeping with my butt in his face. I shall call this vulgar act 'Rat Bagging'.

I also need to get more human flesh as the last pieces were removed...I think I'm also going to miss my chewed up straw that I liked to sleep with. Sadly all pieces of information I had collected have been lost with the old gray coloured poops, however the good news is there is now fresh gray poops to dig in and bury my valuables in.